Author: ijd71
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My Two Cents: The Sound of Chewing Should Be Illegal in at Least 40 States
Let me tell you about my superpower, because it’s actually a curse. I can hear a potato chip being eaten two rooms away. Through a…
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In Defense of the Dive Bar
This tab exists because some of the best rooms in America have a neon sign missing a letter and a bartender who knew your order…
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Daylight Saving Time Is a Scam and We All Know It
Welcome to My Two Cents, the tab where I complain about things that have been bothering me for fifty years. First up: we all just…
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The Morning After, and the Coffee Tastes Better
I’m going to say this right up top so nobody’s confused about where this tab stands: I’m a Democrat. Always have been. And last night,…
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The Mall Was Our Social Media
Before group chats, before feeds, before anybody “checked in” anywhere, we had the mall. And Saturday at the mall wasn’t shopping. Shopping was what our…
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We All Died of Dysentery in Computer Class
Computer class had one rule, and it wasn’t written anywhere: if you got to play The Oregon Trail, you were having a good day. You’d…
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We Waited a Week to Find Out the Photo Was Blurry
You didn’t know if a picture was good until a week later. You took the photo, finished the roll, dropped it off at the drugstore…
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The Kitchen Phone Cord Was Our Privacy Setting
The phone was in the kitchen, on the wall, with a cord long enough to stretch — if you were creative — all the way…
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Dad Held the Antenna So We Could Watch TV
Before cable, before streaming, before a TV just worked, there was the antenna. And the antenna had one job: find the signal. Sometimes that meant…
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The Arcade Ate All My Quarters and I Thank It
The arcade was loud, dark, and smelled faintly of popcorn and carpet cleaner — and it was the best place on earth. You walked in…
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We Rode Our Bikes Until the Streetlights Came On
There was one rule that mattered more than any other, and it didn’t come from our parents’ mouths so much as from the sky itself.…
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Friday Night Started at the Video Store
Friday night didn’t start when you got to the movie. It started at the video store. You walked in and the smell hit you first…
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The Way-Back Seat Faced the Wrong Way, and It Was Perfect
If your family had a station wagon, you know exactly what the way-back seat was. It was the seat in the very back, facing backwards,…
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A Mixtape Was a Love Language
Before you could send somebody a song with one tap, you had to make them a mixtape. And that took work. You’d sit by the…
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Saturday Morning Was an Event
Saturday mornings had a ritual, and everybody knew it. You woke up early — earlier than school, which made no sense — and ran to…
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We Drank From the Hose and Somehow Survived
There was a time when a drink of water didn’t come from a bottle with a label and a price tag. It came from a…